


We're Only Young and Naive Still

by emperorpenguin (dortmundbvbbabe)



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Timers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26582485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dortmundbvbbabe/pseuds/emperorpenguin
Summary: Matthew had gotten his soulmate timer when he was eighteen, hoping that it confirmed that Mitch was soulmate; he wasn't and for years it remained inactive. In 2019, the timer activated and counted down the days until Matthew would meet his soulmate, too bad the person he's supposed to spend the rest of his life with hates him more than anyone else.
Relationships: Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk, past Matthew Tkachuk/Mitch Marner
Comments: 54
Kudos: 168





	1. Chapter 1

_ December 2016 _

When Matthew was interrogated by his parents when he returned home for Christmas, he brushed the decision off as a split-second decision that he and Marns had made when they were driving around London one evening after a game that had gone badly. 

His mother had brushed her hands gently over his wrist where he’d gotten the implant and tutted with disappointment. His father had gone ballistic. Matthew had pulled his sleeve over his implant and held it tightly in his hand. The implant was still blank. 

“Matthew,” his mother had said, trying to defuse the situation while his father’s ire just got worse.

“Come on, Matthew, you can’t possibly believe that crap. We raised you better than that,” Keith yelled.

“I don’t,” Matthew said, “It was just something dumb Marns and I did.”

“You’re right about that,” Keith said, “It was  _ dumb _ .” And it was so much easier for Matthew to put the blame on Marns than to tell his father the truth. He had wanted to get the implant. He had wanted some concrete proof that he and Marns were meant for each other. They’d gone into the clinic together, Marns even more certain than he was that after both of their timers were activated, they’d both beep in confirmation that they were meant to be with each other. It didn’t work that way. Both remained blank and Matthew was left with a dull ache in his arm and a sharper pain in his heart when he realized that Marns wasn’t his soulmate. 

They had been silent on the way home. Continuing a relationship seemed futile. They would just wait until one of their timers were activated and then count down the minutes and seconds until they met their soulmate. It was easier to just tell his parents that it had been Marns’s stupid idea and that he’d gone along with it than to say that he’d wanted to confirm that Marns was his soulmate and have the knowledge of that going into his draft year. He wanted the security of knowing that even if they were drafted to different parts of the country, they would be together. They were meant for each other. The implants said that they weren’t. 

“Fuck, how do we get this reversed?” Keith said, already on his phone trying to find a solution, “Look, I can try and find an appointment for you on Monday and we can get this removed and fixed before any of the scouts find out.”

“No,” Matthew said.

“What?”

“I’m not going to get it removed,” Matthew replied, “It’s already there, why bother removing it and risk permanent nerve damage?”

“Why? Because scouts are going to look at that and they will drop you,” Keith roared. “We did not work so hard, we did not make all these sacrifices for you to drop to a mediocre second-round pick because you and your friend decided to get some fucking implant on a whim.”

“Keith,” Matthew’s mother started. 

“I’ll keep it covered,” Matthew shrugged. 

“Like hell you will, you’re going to get it removed,” Keith said.

“Why don’t we all just take a deep breath,” Chantal said.

“I’m not getting it removed, I’m eighteen, I don’t need your permission,” Matthew said. 

“Fucking embarrassment, Brady would never...” Keith fumed, and Chantal just gave her son a pitying grimace as she led her husband out of the room. 

Matthew’s heart sank, it had gone worse than he’d imagined, though he could only imagine the similar conversation that Marns was facing with his father during their Christmas celebration. 

He had wanted Marns to be his soulmate, but after the initial heartbreak that came with the end of a first love, he knew that they weren’t meant for each other. They were good friends and that close friendship and the emotional bonds that came with immature, socially-isolated hockey players had made them think that they would be good together. And they were. They were good together and it was easy to be with Marns even though they shared a similar childhood trauma of never living up to their fathers’ lofty expectations. 

But as much as Matthew had liked the idea of Marns being his soulmate, he loved the idea of soulmates. He loved that despite everything, all of his failures, all of his inadequacies, there was someone out there for him that the universe had designated as his own, someone who completed the other part of his soul. Because of that belief, he held steadfast in his resolve against his father. The implant was a one-time thing. He could get it removed but he could never change his mind. The removal had the possibility of causing nerve damage and it certainly affected the clarity of the bond. The connections that would be severed would never be able to be reconnected again. 

Even though his timer was blank, he yearned for the possibility that one day, he would look down and see the numbers start to count down. 

Brady came into his room later, having listened in on the argument that echoed through their home.

“So you and Marns?” Brady asked as he sat down on Matthew’s bed, close enough that their legs were touching.

“We ended it,” Matthew said.

“Did it hurt?” Brady asked and Matthew wasn’t sure if he meant the breakup or the actual implantation. 

“No,” Matthew lied. 

“Do you regret it?” Brady asked.

“No,” Matthew said.

Brady sighed, knowing that the topic of the implant would cloud their Christmas celebrations. He rested his head on Matthew’s shoulder as Keith’s arguing could still be heard throughout the house. Matthew just wrapped an arm around his brother and took comfort in his presence. Tomorrow, they wouldn’t talk about it and they’d be arguing over whose turn it was to open presents next, but for now they had each other’s backs. 

_ July 2019 _

Matthew’s wrist tingled on the lake. They’d been wakeboarding and Matthew had fucked up, crashing into a wave in a horrifically comical way. Brady had laughed at him from the boat as he climbed out of the water and hauled himself onto the boat. 

“Fine, you do better,” Matthew dared.

“I will,” Brady said as he headed out on the lake. Matthew stared at his wrist where the tingling continued. It wasn’t pain, it was more of a prickling sensation like the type he got when he awkwardly lay on his arm while watching television late at night.

Brady noticed the way that he was looking at his arm after his run culminated, “You okay?”

“Yeah, my hand just feels weird,” Matthew said.

“Did you hurt it?” Brady asked.

“I don’t  _ think  _ so,” Matthew replied. 

“Is it…” Brady trailed off, looking down at the thick, waterlogged faux-leather cuff that covered Matthew’s wrist.

“No,” Matthew said, immediately shutting down the idea. It had been nearly three years since he’d gotten his implant and it never once showed any numbers, “But I think I’m done for the day.” 

Brady went for a few more runs on the water, while Matthew mustered some enthusiasm for his brother’s mediocre runs. Neither of them were particularly good at wakeboarding, but it got them out of the house and it was enough of an excuse to gather some friends together. Matthew tried to be present, but the tingling nagged him. If he got injured wakeboarding during the summer, Coach Ward would kill him and Gio would give him the disappointed dad stare that he’d mastered as captain. 

When they got back to their lake house, Matthew headed to the showers to wash off the grungy lake water and stripped out of his swim trunks. He unclasped his leather cuff, knowing he should have done that before they went out on the lake and set it on the porcelain sink. For the first time in a very long time, Matthew looked down at his wrist where the timer was. He’d given up looking at it as a painful reminder that he was meant to be alone for the rest of his life. The initial hope that he’d had after he’d gotten the implant had turned into bitterness. It was always a point that his father had emphasized, that Matthew needed to focus on hockey, not love. Love was secondary, love could wait, if it was even possible for Matthew. 

Matthew’s eyes just skimmed over the implant, until he saw numbers ticking down. He blinked several times before he saw the implant had been activated. His soulmate had gotten an implant; his soulmate was looking for him. The numbers read 62 days 4 hours 17 minutes 32 seconds. He pulled out his phone and googled, what date is 62 days from today? Google pulled up a calendar that read September 29th. It was 62 days until he’d meet his soulmate. The time seemed unfathomably long and too short all at once. 

He stood in the shower for too long musing about the circumstances under which he’d been his soulmate. September 29th meant that it was during the preseason so many it was during a fan meet and greet or maybe they would lock eyes from behind the glass during a preseason game, or maybe it had nothing to do with hockey. Maybe Matthew would meet them at a bar or a coffee shop and they would just know. 

“Matthew, get out of the shower, you’re wasting water,” his mother yelled from downstairs. He glanced at the clock on his phone and realized he’d spent thirty five minutes in the shower. The timer was down to 62 days 3 hours 42 minutes 17 seconds. 

Matthew headed into Brady’s room without bothering to knock. 

“Fuck off,” Brady said. 

Matthew practically leaped on Brady’s bed causing Brady to roll over to dodge taking the impact of most of Matthew’s weight. 

“What the fuck?” Brady asked. Instead of answering, Matthew waved his bare implant in Brady’s face. It took a moment for realization to dawn on him. When it did, though, he grabbed Matthew’s wrist and studied it. 

“62 days,” Brady murmured. 

“September 29th,” Matthew clarified with a smile.

“When…?”

“Today, I think, when we were out on the lake,” Matthew said.

“I’m really happy for you,” Brady said with a faint smile. 

“Thanks, I just can’t wait to meet him,” Matthew replied. 

_ September 29, 2019 _

Matthew’s palms had been glazed over as the countdown grew closer to meeting his soulmate. He’d resigned with Calgary just a few days before and was floating on cloud nine. The contract wasn’t what Keith wanted, but as the days ticked down to when Matthew would meet his soulmate. He just wanted his contract to be settled so that he could focus on getting to know his soulmate after they met, he didn’t want to be stuck in contract negotiations. It had already been a few years since Marns had found his soulmate. His timer went off when he went to the Maple Leafs and he met Auston Matthews for the first time. At the time, it had been bittersweet for Matthew. He’d been happy that Mitch had found his soulmate, but he’d been sad that his was nowhere in sight at the time. Now, though, he couldn’t wait to text Marns with the news that he’d met his. 

They were in Edmonton for their game and Matthew knew it was going to happen here. As he pulled on all his gear, 

Matthew walked down the hallway towards the ice. His gear was already on and he was heading out to the ice. 

_ Five _ .

“Come on, Chucky,” Gio yelled as Matthew trailed behind.

_ Four _ .

His stick dragged on the ground, as he marched out towards the ice.

_ Three. _

_ Two. _

_ One _ . As he passed the home locker room, Leon Draisaitl stepped out, not watching where he was going and crashed into Matthew. 

His timer went off, vibrating in his arms and buzzing with an urgency as if to say  _ Here, this one. He’s your soulmate _ . 

Leon’s wrist beeped with the same noise and Matthew glanced up. He had wondered what his soulmate’s first words to him would be. He hoped it would be something romantic, or even a shy hello. 

“Oh fuck no,” Leon yelled and his face transformed into something ugly as his timer beeped, “Not you.”

Matthew’s heart sank. Leon wasn’t just surprised, he was disgusted and horrified that his soulmate was Matthew. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the wonderful reception to this fic. I hope you like the new update.

Matthew felt like Leon had punched him in his stomach. It probably would have hurt less if I had. Instead, Leon just turned away from Matthew and headed out onto the ice as though he hadn’t just met his soulmate, he looked at Matthew as if he was nothing, just someone so insignificant that he wasn’t even worth Leon’s time.  _ Not you _ . The words echoed in Matthew’s mind long after the beeping stopped. 

_ Not you _ . Matthew wondered if he was different, if he was one of his other teammates or even Brady for that matter what Leon would have said. 

As he headed out on the ice for the friendly, something in Matthew turned ugly. The rejection turned to anger and suddenly thoughts of Leon consumed him. Not kind, loving thoughts of most soulmates but resentment. The Battle of Alberta already predicted an ugly fight even for a preseason game, but for Matthew it was personal. For Leon, as well, it was personal. Matthew’s organs were jarred when Leon checked him against the boards mid-game. Leon didn’t even bother to stick around to be sure that Matthew got back up okay on his feet. Leon didn’t even care about him, that was clear. 

And so when Matthew hit him mid-ice in the third period and Leon crumpled to the ground, there was only a moment where Matthew had regret. It was a game. 

By the end of the game, both Matthew’s pride and feelings had been hurt. He’d had enough time to internalize the rejection and the subsequent borderline-dirty hits, and after the game ended, Matthew was fuming with hurt and anger and marched over to the Oiler’s dressing room. 

Zack Kassian was about ready to head inside when he sized up Matthew. 

“You lost, Tkachuk?” Zack Kassian sneered when he saw Matthew approach their locker room. 

“I want to speak with Draisaitl,” Matthew said. He was Draisaitl, not Leon. Leon was too personal and Leon had made it clear that he was not a friend or an ally and certainly not a soulmate. 

“I don’t think he wants to talk to you,” Zack Kassian said. 

“Please, it’s important,” Matthew insisted. For as hostile as their rivalry was on the ice, Matthew saw conflict crossover Kassian’s face. 

“I’ll go and ask him, okay?” he said as he retreated back into the privacy of the locker room. 

Matthew ran through the scenarios that could follow, maybe Leon would come out and be willing to have a rational conversation. Maybe the door would stay shut in his face. Neither of those came to fruition. Instead, Connor McDavid opened the door, his gear partially off. 

“Hey, Tkachuk,” Connor said. Connor stood in the doorway, blocking Matthew’s entrance, but not looking as hostile as Leon had.

“I need to talk to Leon,” Matthew begged.

“He’s getting changed,” Connor said not unkindly, “And now’s probably not the best time to talk to him.”

“You know,” Matthew said.

Connor nodded, “Yeah.” A variety of expressions crossed Connor’s face and if Matthew had known him as well as Mitch or as long as he had, he might have been able to decipher, but years of media training had made Connor a mystery to most people including Matthew.

“I’m really sorry, Tkachuk, about what happened. It’s not about you,” Connor said in a quiet, compassionate way that proved why he had earned the captaincy, “At least not entirely, Leon never wanted a soulmate.” 

“But he-”  _ he has the implant _ .

“There are reasons he got it, and that’s not my place to tell,” Connor said, “But 

“If I wasn’t me, would he have acted differently?” Matthew asked and Connor’s silence told him everything. Maybe Leon hadn’t been keen on soulmates in the first place, but his revulsion that Matthew was his soulmate was solely his own.

“Maybe, though, I can give him your number,” Connor said.

“Sure,” Matthew said as he wrote down his phone number for Connor to pass along to Leon. He also knew that Leon wouldn’t use it. “But you know what, McDavid, fuck him.”

Connor frowned but retreated back into the locker room, “See you later, Tkachuk.”

  
  
  


When he got back to his hotel room, he saw that Brady had left him several text messages. He was pretty sure that his brother had created an alarm for when his implant was set to go off.

From:  _ Brady _

Today’s the big day!

From:  _ Brady _

Dude, why the fuck are you playing like shit tonight? You’re meeting your soulmate. 

From:  _ Brady _

Did he take one look at your face and run?

From:  _ Brady _

Ugh, you’re probably doing stuff I don’t want to know about.

To: _ Brady _

Yeah. He took one look at my face and ran.

From:  _ Brady _

Wait, what? Call me.

To:  _ Brady _

It’s no big deal. I don’t want to talk about it.

The next text messages arrived in a flurry and with expletives strewn in in a way that would make their mother shudder. 

Fuck him. What the fuck? Who the fuck does he think he is? Anyone would be lucky to have you as a soulmate. What’s his name? What’s he accomplished? 

The text messages kept rolling in as Brady’s fingers caught up with his stream of consciousness. A swell of fondness rose in Matthew at his brother’s protectiveness, but in all honesty, he wasn’t interested in continuing the conversation. All he wanted was to take a hot shower and go to bed.    
  


It’s Draisaitl. Matthew texted before turning off his phone for the night.

Matthew woke up and tightened the clasp around his implant. He didn’t want to look at the row of zeros that proved that he and his soulmate had met. It was now a painful reminder of the fact that his soulmate didn’t want him, even if it was Leon Draisaitl. He wondered, for the first time since he’d gotten the implant if his father had been right. Maybe he should have removed it 

The reporters asked him about the game. They asked him how it was to be back with the team and what his first game back was like. Those questions were all easy to answer and then they asked about Leon.

“When you have such a rivalry with Leon Draisaitl, does that run through your head before the game.”

“I don’t think about him at all,” Matthew said calmly with a coolness that betrayed his true feelings, “It’s a game and we’re going to play hard for sixty minutes, that has nothing to do with who is on the ice or who isn’t.”

“Leon Draisaitl was quoted this morning when talking about you, ‘I don’t like him at all.’ Is there more about this rivalry beyond the Battle of Alberta?”

“You’d have to ask him,” Matthew said. And he hoped that they did. He hoped that they pressured Leon until he explained everything, how he was the one who didn’t want a soulmate, how he had rejected Matthew, because even if that embarrassed Matthew, Leon’s true colors would be shown. He knew though, that even if Leon expressed his hatred for Matthew, he would never share anything so personal. He’d taken a page out of Connor McDavid’s playbook to only reveal so much of himself to the press and to the public: that didn’t include being Matthew’s soulmate.

  
  


Matthew’s feuds were not Brady’s and vice versa. Brady had never felt the need to pick up Matthew’s mantle against Zack Kassian or Drew Doughty and Matthew had never expected him to. But it was impossible not to note the aggression that Brady carried into the Senator’s game against the Oilers. He was ruthless and unapologetic in his checks against Leon Draisaitl. And when Matthew watched highlights of the game, he could see the frustration and anger on Leon’s face. Good, he thought. 

To:  _ Brady _

Thanks.

From:  _ Brady _

For what?   
  


To:  _ Brady _

You know, for what you did to Draisaitl.

From:  _ Brady _

Don’t let it go to your head, I didn’t do it for you, I just really don’t like that guy.

And that may have been true, but Brady had never told him that he disliked Leon before Matthew had told him that he was his soulmate who had rejected him.

To:  _ Brady _

:P 

For a while, Matthew was able to shelve his feelings towards Leon but burying himself in hockey and never glancing at his wrist. Brady didn’t bring up the idea of soulmates again and the reporters didn’t resurrect the topic of the Oilers and Leon until they were set to play them. Gio had cornered him in the locker room.

“Are you going to be okay out there?” Gio asked.

“Sure,” Matthew brushed off his captain’s concerns easily.

“I mean it Matty,” Gio said, “I don’t know what happened between you and Draisaitl, but that’s not usual rivalry stuff.”

Matthew rolled his eyes, “It’s fine, I’m fine.” 

And just to prove that he meant it, he played with measured restraint, even when Leon tripped him in the second and caused a full line brawl. He was getting better at drawing penalties without retaliation although he couldn’t help but give Leon a smug grin as he was escorted to the penalty box. 

The win was a small victory as they headed back to their locker room.

“Can you call off your guard dog next time we play Ottawa?” Leon barked towards Matthew causing some of his teammates to falter. Matthew waved them off, but allowed Leon to come closer so that they 

Matthew almost scoffed that these were Leon’s words after finding out that Matthew was his soulmate.

“Brady’s his own person,” Matthew shrugged, “I can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to.”

“You’re acting like you were hurt and like he’s defending your honor or something,” Leon said. 

“You were supposed to love me more than anyone in this world and you rejected me,” Matthew spat, “Sorry, I’m not super keen to defend you.” 

“Oh, you actually believe in soulmates,” Leon said. His voice was etched with pity and disbelief, as though Matthew had just admitted that he believed in something as fictitious as Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy.

“You do, too,” Matthew said, nodding towards Leon’s wrist that was just as covered as Matthew’s own.

“I don’t,” Leon said, “Can we… talk somewhere or something?”

Matthew shrugged, but led Leon to a trainer’s private room, “What?” 

“I don’t believe in soulmates, okay?” Leon said, “The front office pretty much made me get the implant to show that I was willing to settle down and be committed, which was fine, but I didn’t expect it to turn on.”

“But it did,” Matthew said.

“Yeah,” Leon said.

“So isn’t that enough to convince you?” Matthew asked.

“Convince me of what?” Leon threaded his fingers through his hair in frustration. “That we’re predestined to be together because of some fucking clock?” 

Matthew frowned. He had no idea how the universe could have paired him with Leon Draisaitl who had so little faith in soulmates. Who did Leon think he was? Did he think he was so different from Matthew, so much better than Matthew that the thought of being soulmates was unfathomable?

“Do you know how many times I thought about you?” Matthew asked.

“You didn’t though, Matthew, that’s the point,” Leon said, “You thought of the idea of me, not  _ me _ , and whatever you imagined, whatever fantasy you had this isn’t it.”

“Why won’t you even try?” Matthew asked, “I’m a good person, despite what you might think.”

Leon’s tone changed, softened a little, “I’m sorry, I really am, but I don’t love you, we’re not soulmates, we’re not going to spend the rest of our lives together and despite everything that happens on the ice, I do hope that you find someone that you can fall in love with, but that isn’t going to be me.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the break. I'm not 100% happy with this but I hope you enjoy, there's a lot more coming in the next two chapters.

_ January 2020 _

The noise in the Calgary bar was loud and the alcohol just seemed to increase the volume. Matthew was on his third beer celebrating being named to the All-Stars Game. 

“Our boys are going to St. Louis!” Elias yelled as he toasted Matthew, David, and Gio on their upcoming All-Stars weekend. Matthew was excited, he was thrilled to be going back to his hometown for his first All-Stars weekend and to be sharing the experience with Brady and his family. And he knew that if his teammates had the choice they would trade places with him in a heartbeat. He was grateful for the opportunity and seeing Leon there wouldn’t affect that. He wouldn’t let Leon ruin that. 

The weekend started off fine, although Matthew had been sequestered into more interviews than he would have wanted and much to his chagrin, the hot topic of conversation was Leon Draisaitl and Connor McDavid and Team Pacific. 

“Leon Draisaitl said that if you were put together on a line he’d ‘get off the ice’. What do you have to say in response?” A reporter asked, clearly looking for a sound bite.

Matthew tried to school his face in, “I don’t think rivalries really matter at the All-Stars game. 

Matthew pressed the elevator button in the hotel to head up to his floor. “Wait,” someone yelled as the doors were closing and because Matthew wasn’t an asshole, he held the doors open until Leon rushed in. For a moment, the petty part of Matthew’s mind thought about stepping out of the elevator and waiting for another one, but he was tired, and he could survive an elevator ride with the man that was supposed to be his soulmate even if Leon looked like he wanted to jump out. 

“You really hate me don’t you,” Matthew said after the elevator doors shut.

“Is it about the interview? Look, there were rumors,” Leon said, “It wasn’t personal.”

“Of course it was personal,” Matthew said. 

“That I’d found my soulmate,” Leon hissed, “And that…”

“And that it was me?” Matthew asked, “That’s the truth. You still have your implant. I know, I saw you had it covered up, so if you hate me so much, if the thought of being with you repulses you enough to ‘get off the ice’, get it removed.”

“I can’t,” Leon said, “Especially now that people are interested in it.”

“You’re a coward, Leon. You care too much about what other people think to do the right thing, if you don’t want me put me out of my fucking misery.”

“It isn’t that simple,” Leon said.

“Isn’t it?” Matthew asked. 

“Fuck it,” Leon said when they were two floors away from their own. He crowded Matthew against the wall of the elevator and for a moment he paused. He waited for Matthew to push him away but Matthew didn’t. And so he kissed him, angrily and fiercely much like the way that they played against each other on the ice. After the initial surprise, Matthew’s hands reached up to weave their way into Leon’s hair. He pushed back to deepen the kiss, ready to shove Leon against the other wall 

“What-?” Matthew asked, but Leon was already walking down the hall, leaving him in the elevator without an idea as to what had happened. But as he watched Leon head into his own hotel room he knew two things. Firstly, he now knew what it was like to kiss his soulmate and secondly that was a terrible first kiss with his soulmate. Worse yet, he knew that that was very likely to be the last time he’d kiss his soulmate as well.

It took all of his strength and willpower to stay in his room that night and focus on the All-Stars game the next day. Matthew replayed that kiss again and again and wondered if Leon was thinking about it as well. 

They were put together on a line and Leon fed him the puck to set him up for a goal, but Matthew returned the pass. There. Leon made the shot as Matthew knew that he would and he shook his head in disbelief. It felt so natural and that was the real tragedy of it. 

Then they won and they posed for the photo together and it seemed like the stars had aligned to show them proof of why they would be good together. If they were this good on the ice together, how good would they be off of it. 

They celebrated in the locker room, but David had pulled Matthew aside and the individual team lines were reappearing. It was only after they changed that Matthew gathered courage and pulled Leon aside. 

“You keep rejecting me and then you kissed me in the elevator, I don’t know what you want,” Matthew said.

“I don’t know what I want either,” Leon said, “I don’t know the first thing about being someone’s soulmate or even wanting one.” 

“You don’t get to lead me on,” Matthew said, “I don’t know what hang ups you have about soulmates and that’s something that you need to work on, but you don’t get to just kiss me and walk away. You need to decide if you want a soulmate or if you don’t and if that’s the case you need to get your implant removed. That’s the kindest thing that you could do.”

“Okay,” Leon agreed.

“I was fine before you, I’ll be fine after you,” Matthew said with a confidence that felt fake. He had given Leon a choice, but Matthew knew the choice had been made already, “I’ll expect you to have a decision made by the start of the new season.” 

And then the All-Stars Game was one of the last signs of normalcy as the remainder of the season fell apart. Matthew spent February and March watching the news with trepidation as rumors that the season would be suspended gained traction. At first, Matthew scoffed at them in disbelief, but then when the NBA suspended their season, it was almost guaranteed that the NHL would follow suit. 

Partway through the season, Matthew’s phone vibrated with a new text. 

_ Unknown _ : Hey, I hope you and your family are doing okay.

Matthew frowned trying to recognize the number.

_ Matthew _ : ?

_ Unknown _ : Sorry, it’s Leon. 

Matthew wasn’t sure how or why Leon was texting him. He could bet, though, with almost certainty that he’d gotten it from Connor McDavid. 

_ Matthew _ : They’re fine, thanks.

_ Leon _ : And you?

_ Matthew _ : I’m not sick.

_ Leon: _ That's not what I meant.

_ Matthew: _ You don’t get to ask that.

For the rest of summer, he didn’t receive any more text messages from Leon. He occasionally thought about reaching out and asking how he was doing, but that seemed too familiar. And Matthew had given Leon a deadline until the new season started for him to decide and inevitably break his heart. The spontaneity of the message confused him and gave him the slightest hope that maybe a small part of Leon did care about him. 

Then they got word that hockey was returning and that meant being in a bubble and being in a bubble with Leon Draisaitl, but Matthew could focus on getting back into shape and running drills and focusing on the playoffs. 

They had finished the scrimmage against the Oilers, sulking after the loss but looking forward to the qualifying round. Leon had tried to saddle up next to him during the game, but Matthew had just stared at the puck. Here Leon didn’t matter. He didn’t matter to Leon and he would have to get used to Leon not mattering to him either. 

“Draisaitl’s been looking over here a lot lately,” Milan said as he nodded over towards the Oiler’s table on the other side of the dining room, “Is that something I need to worry about down the line?” 

“No,” Matthew shook his head, “He’s just being weird.”

That was the extent of the interactions between the Oilers and the Flames in the bubble after their scrimmage. It was the space that they both needed from each other even though they were the closest that they’d been in years. Matthew occasionally checked on the results of the Oilers and the Chicago series. But just as they had started, it seemed like the Oilers were eliminated. Matthew wouldn’t have to worry about running into Leon in the halls or having him stare across the dining room at him. He would just have to worry about the Flames progressing past the first round and his own hockey. That was easier. That he could do. 

And then they played Dallas, and Matthew collided into Jamie Oleksiak’s chest. Almost immediately after he got back on his feet, he knew he had a concussion. Even in the quiet rink, the noises ricocheted. “Fuck,” Matthew whispered when he got back to the bench and he was led back to the training room. 

“You’re going to be out for at least this series,” the trainer confirmed after running a few diagnostic tests. 

“And the next one?” Matthew asked.

“We’ll see,” he said noncommittal. Matthew knew how unpredictable concussions were. His first concussion took almost three months to recover from and he didn’t have that much time to afford, especially not during the playoffs. 

“Just focus on resting these next couple of days and then we’ll see where you are.”   
  


He was escorted back to his hotel room with the promise to be checked in on every couple of hours to ensure that there weren’t any complications. Matthew stripped out of his clothes and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a loose T-shirt. Despite the trainer's warnings he’d sent a brief text to his mother so she wouldn’t worry and then buried himself under the covers to try and block out the light. Despite the pounding headache, he just wanted to sleep. 

After some time had passed, Matthew heard the door unlock with a click. He was buried deep into the pillows, trying to block out any of the noise. “I’m fine Gio,” Matthew said, not daring to move for fear it would jolt his concussion.

“I’m not Gio,” a voice whispered and despite Matthew’s better judgement he turned and saw Leon standing awkwardly in his room. He was wearing a mask, but it was clearly Leon. 

“I already took a few COVID tests, they all came back negative,” Leon said.

“Why are you here?” Matthew asked.

“Your coaches asked me to come, apparently being around a soulmate helps with recovery,” Leon said.

“You don’t believe in soulmates,” Matthew said, daring Leon to contradict him.

“No, but you do,” Leon said, “Scoot over.” Matthew rolled over to allow more space in the bed for Leon to sit on. 

“How did they know you were my soulmate?” Matthew asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Leon said, “Just relax, okay. I’ll be right here.”

“You hate me,” Matthew said.

Leon paused, “Just go back to sleep.” Matthew didn’t have the energy to protest. Instead he just turned on his side, acutely aware of Leon’s presence next to him and closed his eyes. Questions could wait for later, right now he just needed to heal and to rest.


	4. Chapter 4

Matthew rolled over, the familiar feeling of nausea and dizziness pulling him out of his sleep. It all felt like a dream that Leon was there and just to be sure that it had been real, Matthew looked at the spot where Leon had settled down. Leon was gone, though, and even though Matthew shouldn’t have been surprised, he felt his heart sink. Leon had promised that he would stay, and now he was gone. Matthew pulled himself up to a seated position and blinked a couple of times. He felt better. Not good, but better and he’d take it. 

“Hey, you’re awake,” a voice said from the living space of his hotel room. Leon walked in and crossed his arms but made sure that Matthew was okay.

“I thought you left,” Matthew said.

“I promised I’d stay,” Leon said. 

“Why are you here?” Matthew asked, “Not that I’m upset about it, I appreciate it, but the last time we talked you hated me, so I’m not really sure what changed.”

“I don’t hate you,” Leon said, “I- this is probably a conversation that we should have later, when you feel better, but I don’t hate you. I never did.”

“But you hate that I’m your soulmate,” Matthew said. 

“It’s more complicated than that,” Leon said, “But I want to be here, if you want me to.”

“I don’t know if I want you to,” Matthew said, “Why are you here anyways?”

“Because you got hurt and if I could help, I guess, I didn’t know why I wouldn’t…” Leon said. It wasn’t a good answer, but Matthew was pretty sure that Leon himself didn’t fully know the answer. 

“I’m feeling a little better,” Matthew admitted.

“How about this, why don’t I stay and then if you want me to leave, I can,” Leon said. 

“Okay,” Matthew agreed. 

“Are you hungry?” Leon asked.

“No, I’m just going to sleep some more,” Matthew said.

“Is this okay?” Leon asked as he pulled the covers away and lay down next to Matthew. There was still a good foot of space between them as Matthew turned around. He lay with his back towards Leon, close enough to feel the warmth of Leon’s body near his. 

Sometime in the middle of his sleep, Matthew felt the distinct sensation of someone gently stroking his curls. It was soft enough to not aggravate his concussion, but soothing.

He inadvertently shifted to meet the calming touch part way, the hand stilled in the process and all Matthew wanted was for it to continue.

“Why did you stop?” Matthew asked.

“Sorry, I should have asked if it was okay,” Leon said as he pulled his hand away.

“It’s fine,” Matthew said, “It actually feels nice.”

Leon threaded his fingers back into Matthew’s curls. He blushed as Matthew watched him and in the quiet, when they weren’t trying to fight each other, Matthew noted how beautiful Leon truly was. 

“It’s something my mother used to do for me when I was little, when I couldn’t fall asleep or I was crying or something,” Leon said.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Matthew asked after a few moments.

“It’s easier to be nice to you when you’re hurt,” Leon said. 

“That sucks,” Matthew said, “I want you to be nice to me when I’m not hurt too.”

“It’s not about you,” Leon said. Matthew started to protest, “Maybe at the beginning it was, but it’s not about you anymore. I don’t like the idea of soulmates, I don’t like the feeling of having one, it’s not comforting, it makes my skin crawl.”

Matthew propped himself up on his arm. He was pretty sure that this sort of conversation was better suited for when they were both completely healthy, but Leon had said it himself, it was easier for him to be nice to Matthew when he was hurt.

“You got the timer, though,” Matthew said.

“It was either that or they were going to force me to date someone,” Leon said, “I’d slipped up a little in Edmonton, not badly, but enough that people were starting to talk about how wild I was and how uncommitted I was. I thought getting a timer was the lesser of the two evils, I never thought that it would activate.”

Matthew nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Leon said, “I know that you wanted someone who wanted a soulmate as badly as you did, and as you do.

“Do you hate me?” Matthew asked.

“What? No,” Leon replied.

“Do you like me, then?” Matthew asked.

“I don’t- I don’t really know you,” Leon replied.

“Is there anything you like about me?” Matthew asked, he hated the way he was almost pleading with Leon to see if there was anything foundational they could build off of.

“You’re cute,” Leon admitted.

“I’m cute?” Matthew asked.

Leon rolled his eyes, “I’m not repeating it. What do you think I’m hot?”

“Yeah,” Matthew said.

“Wow,” Leon grinned, but then the smile slid off of his face, “But that’s not enough to make us soulmates.” 

“What if we aren’t soulmates then?” Matthew asked.

“What?” Leon asked.

“Look, I know what I believe and you aren’t going to change that,” Matthew said, “But you have to admit that what happened at the All-Stars game wasn’t a coincidence. On the ice or off of it.”

Leon nodded slowly, “So what do you want? Because I can’t be your soulmate, I can’t live up to those expectations and all that pressure isn’t… fair.”

“Okay,” Matthew nodded, “So date me, no pressure, let’s just… when all this is over and it’s safe, let’s go on a date. Unless, you hate that idea…?” Suddenly, Matthew looked so small and shy and nervous as he gave Leon an out. 

“Okay,” Leon said, “But if either of us aren’t feeling it, it ends, right?”

“You make it sound like we’re doomed from the start,” Matthew said.

“The odds are against us,” Leon said.

“Maybe, but what if we beat the odds?” Matthew asked. Deep down, he truly still believed that you were meant to be with your soulmate. Somehow the universe had decided that he and Leon were meant to be together, that Leon was his  _ person _ and despite the superficial difference, Matthew had to believe that they would be good for each other.

“Okay, when all of this is over, we’ll go on a date,” Leon agreed tentatively. 

Matthew wanted to text Brady, let him know that things were looking brighter, but he knew that Leon had given himself an out. He had given himself several outs along the way and made sure that Matthew knew it, but he was still here, and maybe the scorn that Leon had once looked at him with would be replaced with love. Right now, it was just uncertainty.


End file.
